the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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