i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
