Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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