What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
