he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize