I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
