yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
