I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
