u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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