At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
