I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
