he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want to be your penis for a week.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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