I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
