Your mouth is God's brothel.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
