k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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