I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
