i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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