So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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