I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
