I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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