I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
