And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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