Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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