What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
