Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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