hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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