she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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