If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
