I am spending my child support on dildos
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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