oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
