i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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