He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
