i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
