I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am available for nakedness
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
