I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
