so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
