I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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