I heard we made out
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
