He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
