I wish I could teleport
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
how does that bad decision feel?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
