dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
