You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
