I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize