I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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