I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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