I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
