how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
