So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
