Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
