No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
