I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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