Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
