i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
