As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so explain again why im purple
no
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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