That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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