I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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