Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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