His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He did a backflip because drugs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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