3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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