Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am spending my child support on dildos
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
