Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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