he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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