i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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