final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
