I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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