Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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