Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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