i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
