my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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