He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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