She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
