I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
