Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
