At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize