did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
