No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
