she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
