so that wasnt chicken after all
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
