Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
