We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
