I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
