I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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