Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
