I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
