I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
