speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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