Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
