You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
