Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
