come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
