How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
